


On Air

by bonzai_bunny



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Brucie Wayne - Freeform, Character Study, Gen, Interviews, No Plot/Plotless, Radio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 15:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonzai_bunny/pseuds/bonzai_bunny
Summary: An interview with Brucie Wayne about his upcoming birthday.





	On Air

[TRANSCRIPT]

 

Welcome to Gotham Global. I’m your host, Charlotte Wilstock, and thank you for tuning today. Our guest this week is the billionaire CEO of Wayne Enterprises: Bruce Wayne.

Now, everyone has their own idea of who Bruce Wayne is. To some, he's a philanthropist, a savior of Gotham. Or, he's a tragic figure, a symbol of all that's wrong with Gotham today. Or, he's a playboy with too much money who can't keep it in his pants. No matter what your opinion of him is, you can't deny the impact he's made and the gravitas he has as a person. So as his fortieth birthday approaches, we're going to look back at Bruce Wayne and talk to him about this upcoming milestone. We recorded our interview at Wayne Enterprises and I had to go up to meet him.

Bruce Wayne’s office is an intimidating place to be in, all chrome and leather. His desk and chair are larger than the chairs guests sit in and there isn't a potted plant in sight. In short, there is nothing comforting or familiar about this space, which probably makes it easier to negotiate. I stand up automatically when he comes in and I shake his hand, which dwarfs my own.

The first thing you notice about Bruce Wayne is his eyes. They're a striking light blue and photographs really don't do them justice. The second thing you notice is how handsome he is. This is hardly breaking news; I'm not the first person to point this out, but it's something that must be talked about. Bruce Wayne is almost _unfairly_ good looking. Here the rest of us are, barely breaking a five on a good day and here he is, looking like he stepped out of an old Hollywood movie with his strong jaw and perfectly styled hair. But I'm getting off topic. Mr. Wayne radiates a certain affable nature as he asks if I would like anything to drink. I decline and we begin the interview.

WILSTOCK: Before we start, let me just say congratulations on your upcoming birthday.

WAYNE: (laughs) Oh, don't remind me. I'm pretending that I'm turning thirty nine for a second year in a row.

WILSTOCK: Well, you're wearing nearly-forty well I must say. You don't look a day over thirty.

Aside from some grey at his temples and faint smile lines, he doesn't look forty at all.

WAYNE: That's very kind of you.

WILSTOCK: And thank you for accepting this interview. You don't take very many personal interview requests anymore, why is that?

WAYNE: Part of it is just lack of time on my part. My kids and Wayne Enterprises keep me pretty busy these days. And part of it is that I don't have much to say anymore. I've become an increasingly boring old man. You know, the other day I realized that I have a favorite pair of socks!

WILSTOCK: You’ve been staying out of the spotlight recently. I think your last big scandal was that, uh, you know what pic-gate a few years ago.

WAYNE: Oh god, don't remind me.

For listeners uninitiated, four years ago Bruce accidentally tweeted a very provocative picture involving his nether regions. He deleted the picture, but not before it was screenshotted and reposted hundreds of times.

WILSTOCK:  What was that time like for you?

WAYNE: Not great, to say the least. I’m used to being called a manner of things but it’s different to see your genitals on the news. Bizarre too. I think I got no less than fifty texts from my publicist calling me an idiot. I guess it’s true what they say: the internet is forever.

WILSTOCK: I heard that you got a hundred thousand new followers from it, so at least there’s that.

WAYNE: (laughs) Yeah, that was a big boost to my ego.

WILSTOCK:  Now that some time has passed, do you feel comfortable telling us who the recipient of that picture was supposed to be?

WAYNE: Only that they were an attractive redhead. I won’t say more than that.

WILSTOCK: So why did you choose Gotham Global to do this interview with? Normally, you stick to print or television.

WAYNE: Well, I’ve never had a radio interview. I’m popping my radio cherry! (laughs) And we, and by we I mean my PR department, figured that this might be a good chance to get some information out and get this press stuff out of the way, so to speak.

WILSTOCK: What are you doing for your birthday party? You haven’t had a public one in a long time.

WAYNE: I’m donating my birthday party to charity.

WILSTOCK: Can you elaborate on that?

WAYNE: Well, I know that a lot of Gotham’s most misfortunate citizens can’t always give their children, or even themselves, the birthday party of their dreams. So the Wayne Foundation is setting up a registrar of Wayne Foundation recipients who would like to add their birthday to our birthday list. My party will help raise the money and collect gifts to give to the less fortunate.

WILSTOCK: What will the party these people are getting consist of?

WAYNE: Oh, you know, a big cake, a few presents, and maybe entertainment if they would like it. They will have to tell us about any specifics, like food allergies, and can make suggestions. Parents can add the name of children.

WILSTOCK: There are people who would say, you’re only doing this for publicity for Wayne Enterprises or to clean up your image. What do you say to those people?

Wayne paused for a moment and looked like he was picking every word carefully.

WAYNE: Well...what I would like to say to those people may not be polite for public radio. But in all seriousness, I may not be the best role model around but I do have a lot of money and influence and I figure that I may as well help some people out with it, you know?

WILSTOCK: Your mother, Martha Wayne, was known for her philanthropy. Would you say your desire to help others comes from her?

WAYNE: Oh, definitely. The Wayne Foundation wouldn’t even exist if it wasn’t for her. I certainly couldn’t have started it by myself.

WILSTOCK: Are you trying to clean up your image?

WAYNE: Not intentionally. (laughs) I just don’t feel the urge to go out as much, along with my busy schedule.

WILSTOCK: I hate to ask this, because I know you hate this question--

WAYNE: Oh, here we go.

WILSTOCK: --But some people speculate the reason that you haven’t been out is because some lucky lady stole your heart. Is there any truth to that?

WAYNE: No, no, I’m still not monogamous enough to settle down. There isn’t a lucky guy either, in case you were wondering.

Wayne said this casually, alluding to his coming out as bisexual over a decade ago. It is something that people still haven’t stopped giving him grief over.

WILSTOCK: Some people were hoping you would do a similar photoshoot to the one you did when you turned thirty.

WAYNE: No, sorry to disappoint. No breaking of the internet this year!

If you haven’t seen it, or were living under a rock at the time, the photoshoot was from _Paper_ magazine and featured Wayne around his mansion. The most publicized image, and indeed the most retweeted one, was of Wayne laying face down on a fur rug in front of a fireplace, completely naked.

WILSTOCK: Well, while I’m here, I have some pictures with me, and I would like you to react to them.

WAYNE: Oh no.   

The first picture I pull out is a yearbook picture from Gotham Academy. He was in the 8th grade. He has a truly remarkable bowlcut, and is all but scowling at the camera. When Wayne sees it, he howls with laughter.

WAYNE: Oh my god! (laughs) That’s incredible. Oh, man. Would you believe me if I told you that was the happiest picture of the bunch?

WILSTOCK: That is pretty unbelievable.

WAYNE: God, I was such an angry little bastard back then. My butler always said it was the Gotham in me.

I show him another picture, this time it’s a candid shot at a party. Wayne can’t be much older than sixteen in this picture, hanging from a second floor balcony by his legs. He’s upside down and even though the picture is blurry, you can see that all of the blood had rushed to his head.

WAYNE: Holy [bleep], I had forgotten about that.  Where the hell did you get this? I’m pretty sure this was a dare but man, was I stupid. If I saw Damian doing this, I would probably have a heart attack.

Damian is Bruce Wayne’s son, and his only biological child to date. I show him a picture that was taken when he was twenty five. It was a part of another photoshoot he did, but this time from the _Gotham Gazette_. It’s in black and white. Wayne is shirtless, sitting on the ground, looking up at the camera almost defiantly. He is smoking a cigarette, while an attractive woman is wrapped around him. Wayne’s reaction is much more subdued than I was expecting.

WAYNE: I remember this well. I think it’s the first time I had a picture taken of my shirt off with my permission. I remember being nervous for some reason.

WILSTOCK: Why?

WAYNE: I don’t know. I had just gotten back to Gotham and this was my big, “I’m back” announcement. I felt like I had to prove that I wasn’t going to leave, that Gotham couldn’t scare me out. I still remember the byline: “Gotham’s Prince Returns.” I can’t believe that phrase stuck.

WILSTOCK: I’m going to embarrass myself here, but I actually had this whole photoshoot hidden in my room when I was thirteen.

WAYNE: Wow, way to make a guy feel old.

WILSTOCK: Sorry!

WAYNE: (laughs) Well, I hope you made good use of those pictures.

WILSTOCK: So, uh, this sort of began the recognition of you as a sex symbol. Did it feel that way to you?

WAYNE: No, not at all. I was pretty confident in my looks but I didn’t imagine when I took those pictures that teenage girls would have me in their bedrooms. It’s still sort of surreal to me, even now. I knew the 30th birthday photoshoot would be popular and controversial, but I didn’t expect a million retweets, you know?

I pulled out the final picture. It’s of Wayne in a tux, holding his first son, Richard “Dick” Grayson, walking down the steps of the Carleton building. Wayne smiles when he sees it.

WAYNE: That’s a great picture. Can I have this?

WILSTOCK: We can send you a copy. What was happening here?

WAYNE: It was Dick’s first time at a ball and I didn’t realize how little stamina nine year olds have. He was basically asleep on his feet so I picked him up and we went home.

WILSTOCK: Were you prepared to have a nine year old in your life when you adopted him?

WAYNE: Oh, not at all. It was pretty impulsive when I decided to make him my ward, but it was the best decision I ever made. I was lucky to have my butler on my side to help me rise to the occasion.

WILSTOCK: What would you say to the man in this picture?

WAYNE: I would say…hold on tight to the ones you love. I would also tell him to never take a dick pic. It’s a bad idea.

Wayne said the last part like a joke, but I could tell he was masking the real emotional answer he gave. When talking to him, you get the feeling that he’s a little less air-headed than he seems.

WILSTOCK: Before you go, can you tell our listeners where they can sign up for you birthday charity?

WAYNE: Yeah, we’ll be mailing all Wayne Foundation recipients with the information and they can mail it back if they would like to participate. All of the information is there. My actual party invites are on their way too.

WILSTOCK: And where can they find you?

WAYNE: I’m at Bruce Wayne on all social media sites.

WILSTOCK: Thank you for speaking with us today.

WAYNE: Thank you for having me.

 

[END TRANSCRIPT]

**Author's Note:**

> So that was something really different from me. I'm just really interested in how much Brucie intertwines with Bruce, personality-wise. The best lies are half-truths after all.


End file.
